Be Here Now

The act of writing was a preservation of a sensation
Living in the moment was rare
I wanted to stretch it out
like a housecat in the morning sun
splayed out and drowsy

For a mind that lingers in
quicksand of past mistakes and
the inherent toxicity of future "what-ifs";
being possessed by a single moment is
a relief

a deep breath between high paced heart beats

Writing was a coping mechanism for a young girl who wanted love
who wanted to be noticed without being seen
I was a human kaledioscope refracting too many experiences;
my day planner was too full and my emotions were too big
and I was too scared
of sitting in silence
to be gripped by the consistent refrain of "Am I Good Enough?":

Writing was a meditation
when i had too much energy to be able to stand yoga
I don't know how many downward dogs I did
while feeling the need to bolt and run from the studio

I was told that I was too much
too aggressive
too bold
and I believed it
because I felt Too Much
I grieved too deeply
loved too quickly
judged too harshly

I have worried too deeply about my lack of writing
without pausing to recognize
that the missing prose, the missing rhythm
was a symptom
of healing

There are more moments where I Am.
and that is all there is
There are fewer question of who I Was or Will Be or questions of Being Enough
There is a quietness, here
And there is so much love, here, within and without
There are more moments where I Am
that I no longer feel the need to preserve
because that interferes with my ideal to-do list of just
Being.

For Derya

This poem was written to belly dancing music
and inspired by an enchanting smile.

To a woman who is the definition of "graceful under pressure"-

You are a field of flowers
multicolored and intricate
dewdrops rolling down your spine
and the beautiful people who flock into your life
are merely gracious visitors
sipping on the nectar of your delight and your charm

This is for the woman who taught me it is possible to be the light in someone's day whenever you see them:
You were and are such a light in mine.

You are moonlight;
dazzling.

softening the flaws of those who look upon you
and encouraging them to chase their dreams just a little bit harder-
possibilities seem more fluid here.

for any room you enter, you are The Woman
of stories
with variations;
"Mommy, did you see that gorgeous Woman? She's who I'd like to be when I grow up."
"I was struck by the demeanor of this Woman in a coffee shop today. Something about her just won't get out of my head."
"I met the most interesting Woman today...."

You are waterfalls,
entrancing
and
powerful

You are sandstorms,
reshaping and reforming
erosion and creation-
just short of a paradox

You are the poem that is created
when the author promised she would not make these personal
but found that This Woman was in fact,
irresistible
as a muse.

for Baron

If you inquire
about my best friend
I'd tell you that
he's so fine

Furry and warm
not that affectionate
but appropriately graceful
for a feline

If you'd like to pet him
or put his picture on instagram
that's great but
you'll have to get in line

I wasn't planning on owning a cat
but when I saw his picture
I took it as a message
as some sort of sign

Our relationship was destiny;
fates forever linked
our meeting can only be described as
intervention divine

He sleeps all day
and lazes around all night
there may be many cute cats;
but this one is mine.

The inevitable goodbye

You 

were my first friend

and I

was yours

Which is saying a lot;

I don't get along well with strangers.

I tend to repulse people, it must be 

something with my charged personality

I always end up driving them away.

But you

You stayed.

You were the reason I began to understand things like

friendship and

loyalty and

faith and

connection.

You, who were all alone in this large and often unfriendly world

were so determined to be close to me that 

it was scary at first.

That determination

alongside your perseverance and desire for greatness

brought out the best in me-

I see that now.

Unfortunate doesn't begin to describe how I feel about

the need to leave you

but I'm glad that you see it is something I cannot deny

I will try to sum up all the love and gratitude that I have for you in a single goodbye

but I'm afraid it will come out the same

as it always does-

"Pika... Pika-Pi."

Fat Cats

There is a reason why we refer to mob bosses

as "fat cats"

A sign of affection and respect

How we are willing to love and care for them

regardless of their lack of contribution to society

or our household

They are foot warmers and purr-givers

here to yell in your face at 6 am

and step on your stomach in the middle of the night

here to pee on your carpet 

and shed on ALL your clothes

here to crawl into your lap when you've had a bad day

and to give you tiny meows when it's time for treats

Their furry fat bodies are only so big because 

they are so full of love