empty

Beautiful woman,
 we met almost five years ago
during a hazy freshman night
full of loud laughter and unexpected compliments
we started the most epic of adventures

 my undergrad years were bearable because of you,
best friend.
where others saw prison bars, I saw a playground
the world was not our oyster, it was our sandbox
and we were free to build and discover as we wished

I was your candle during the long nights full of loss and grief
I watched you struggle and persevere
to declare that the dark places in your mind
did not have a part in your life

we were determined and strong
we learned what it means to call ourselves women
we were always going to be there for the other
and we were the next big thing to hit the academic world

so tell me,
please
what could have possessed you
that night
when you decided it was your time to leave this earth
that you simply didn't belong here any more

I can't comprehend the past events
They simply will not dissolve into thoughts that I can make sense of
still-
 I wish I knew how you wrote your demise into your own future fault lines
why you deepened the cracks of scars that already ran the length of your years
because I know the monsters in the closets of your memories
the secrets scribbled on scraps of paper and hastily shoved behind your day to day thoughts
 I'm the one whose arms will be around you when the pain from your past threatens to consume you
 I know you better than anyone
 I am your rock.
 you don't know this, but you're mine.

 yet
 how am I supposed to lean on you
when your foundations have all crumbled away with a few handfuls of pills?

 You didn't look the part
when I saw you sitting in the crisp hospital bed
telling me why you thought I would be okay if you were gone


Honestly,
 I think that your excuses and your reasons are total bullshit
know that if you had succeeded, I would never be able to find peace.


your attempt on your own life has left me... empty.
but that's not the right word.
is there a word for the pain of accidentally cutting your fingers on the pieces of your shattered anger?
there should be.
it would make my explanation easier to fit between my lips

I want you to know
that if you left,
I would lose my mind
on purpose.
drop it down a storm drain
so that it would wash away the hollow feeling
that wishful wanting that never fully goes away

 Baby girl, I am not okay.
I wish you could be here to hear these words
and understand how hard my heart pounds whenever you call me in tears

 There is a fear slowly gnawing at my sanity
that flames during the moments between waking and sleeping
and the drips of consoling thoughts that you're still here don't do much for the burns I've sustained

 so how do I end this?
with hope.

 maybe hope that next time....
...next time you'll take just a moment to realize
exactly what the chaotic aftermath of blades inscribed with self-blame and remorse cutting through my ability to be functional
would really look like.

Blind

There are days
after seeing all the beautiful variation in strangers irises

there are days
where I wish that everyone
was blind.

so they would decide to trust someone
based on the gentleness of their touch
rather than their choice in clothing

designer brands would quickly fade
we would wrap ourselves in the most comfortable fabrics
nothing skin tight to show off curves-
no one would be looking, anyway.
me?
I would dress in loose cotton
and everything underneath
would be made of pure silk

I wish that everyone was blind
so they could read with their fingertips
so that the next time they touch the face of their lover
they could understand the messages etched into their weathered skin
by the passing of days

I wish that everyone was blind
so they would be less self conscious of their appearance
solve this mass media binge feeding young girls
with how they should look by the time they're 16
we wouldn't care
we would put all our efforts into making our voices rival those of songbirds
imagine-
instead of trying to act sexy
we could show off our beautiful selves
by singing.

I wish everyone was blind
so that people
might actually
start
listening.

turn their ears to voices that have always been unheard
children who are crying for justice
passionate youth who believe that we can cause change
and of course
all the wonderful poets who wear their hearts in their throats and carry their own soapboxes like thrones

I wish that everyone was blind
because in this visual oriented society
it might result in us
actually learning something about ourselves.

Dear poetry- full version

Dear Poetry,

I am sorry that I have neglected you recently.
I have not forgotten you
I can only hope
that you have not forgotten me

you have been weaving through my mind
like circular kalaidoscopes
ever changing windmills
that peacefully circle my sleepy mind
why must you visit me when there is no pen and paper to be found?

I have missed you.
if you have disappeared from my dreams
because you no longer found me worthy
this
is an apology
and a plea for your return

I need you.
do not leave me
wordless and without both rhyme and reason
do not betray me with mental treason
and kiss me with lips dripping with abandonment issues

If you will not speak, then I will say it first
I love you.

I cannot remember the last time I wrote from the heart
and for that, I am sorry
I have neglected you
but I have not abandoned you
I can only hope that you
have not done the same

Dear poetry,

I have always been yours. Do not think I have strayed.
You have been with me every moment
tucked into scrap paper and draft messages on my phone
or the inner crevices of my arms when paper was hard to come by
I will never abandon you.

Dear poetry,

I am sorry I have neglected you recently.
It was not intentional
see, there's this boy
rather, this man

He has stolen all my words
and my rhythym
so when you ask me to whisper sweet nothings to you
I find only nothings resting upon my lips
waiting to flutter to your eardrums and leave you less than satisfied

Dear poetry,

You know I am a perfectionist
and all I have wanted to write about
is the giant wave crashing earth shaking musical melodies that this man plays on my skin with his fingertips
I have not been unfaithful to you, I promise
but you should see his eyes
they encompass the entire ocean
with all of its beautiful tidal shifts
he is my tsunami bound by the body of a fighter
who somehow knows how to be gentle
he traces patterns from the pulse throbbing indentation on my neck
to my caged rib chest
down to the backs of my knees
and back up to the butterfly between my thighs
and makes my hearbeat go wild

he is hypnosis fixated on no particular goal
he is serenity threaded with breaths of chaos
he is an overdose of jazz music
you know,
something good to dance to
full of rich saxophones and bass drums that make you sway long after you've lost the energy to move

dear poetry,
he moves me.
I'm not saying that you don't
I'm saying that he has shown me how much can be said
when words are left for a later time

I am still faithful to you
but for now,
I have few things to say
that cannot be written into the silent parts of his skin

your faithful lover,
V rabbit

P.S.
you really should see his eyes
then you would understand how I am so captivated.

Dear Poetry, part 2

Dear poetry,

I am sorry I have neglected you recently.
It was not intentional
see, there's this boy
rather, this man

He has stolen all my words
and my rhythym
so when you ask me to whisper sweet nothings to you
I find only nothings resting upon my lips
waiting to flutter to your eardrums and leave you less than satisfied

Dear poetry,

You know I am a perfectionist
and all I have wanted to write about
is the giant wave crashing earth shaking musical melodies that this man plays on my skin with his fingertips
I have not been unfaithful to you, I promise
but you should see his eyes
they encompass the entire ocean
with all of its beautiful tidal shifts
he is my tsunami bound by the body of a fighter
who somehow knows how to be gentle
he traces patterns from the pulse throbbing indentation on my neck
to my caged rib chest
down to the backs of my knees
and back up to the butterfly between my thighs
and makes my hearbeat go wild

he is hypnosis fixated on no particular goal
he is serenity threaded with breaths of chaos
he is an overdose of jazz music
you know,
something good to dance to
full of rich saxophones and bass drums that make you sway long after you've lost the energy to move

dear poetry,
he moves me.
I'm not saying that you don't
I'm saying that he has shown me how much can be said
when words are left for a later time

I am still faithful to you
but for now,
I have few things to say
that cannot be written into the silent parts of his skin

your faithful lover,
V rabbit

P.S.
you really should see his eyes
then you would understand how I am so captivated.

Dear Poetry

Dear Poetry,

I am sorry that I have neglected you recently.
I have not forgotten you
I can only hope
that you have not forgotten me

you have been weaving through my mind
like circular kalaidoscopes
ever changing windmills
that peacefully circle my sleepy mind
why must you visit me when there is no pen and paper to be found?

I have missed you.
I wonder if you are warming the bed of another
if you have disappeared from my dreams
because you no longer found me worthy
so this
is an apology
a plea for your return

I need you. please.
do not leave me
wordless and without both rhyme and reason
do not betray me with mental treason
and kiss me with lips dripping with abandonment issues

If you will not speak, then I will say it first
I love you. I have always loved you
you saved the sanity of my young mind
when I turned from grief and found only more labyrinths of darkness
constantly pressed against wrong turns that I could not correct
you were the guiding light that showed me
how to be whole again

so it is ironic that i call my poems pieces
maybe because they are pieces of me
and because they bring me piece

I cannot remember the last time I wrote from the heart
and for that, I am sorry
I have neglected you
but I have not abandoned you
I can only hope that you
have not done the same

Dear poetry,

I have always been yours. Do not think I have strayed.
You have been with me every moment
tucked into scrap paper and draft messages on my phone
or the inner crevices of my arms when paper was hard to come by
I will never abandon you.

your faithful lover,
V Rabbit