for Baron

If you inquire
about my best friend
I'd tell you that
he's so fine

Furry and warm
not that affectionate
but appropriately graceful
for a feline

If you'd like to pet him
or put his picture on instagram
that's great but
you'll have to get in line

I wasn't planning on owning a cat
but when I saw his picture
I took it as a message
as some sort of sign

Our relationship was destiny;
fates forever linked
our meeting can only be described as
intervention divine

He sleeps all day
and lazes around all night
there may be many cute cats;
but this one is mine.

The inevitable goodbye

You 

were my first friend

and I

was yours

Which is saying a lot;

I don't get along well with strangers.

I tend to repulse people, it must be 

something with my charged personality

I always end up driving them away.

But you

You stayed.

You were the reason I began to understand things like

friendship and

loyalty and

faith and

connection.

You, who were all alone in this large and often unfriendly world

were so determined to be close to me that 

it was scary at first.

That determination

alongside your perseverance and desire for greatness

brought out the best in me-

I see that now.

Unfortunate doesn't begin to describe how I feel about

the need to leave you

but I'm glad that you see it is something I cannot deny

I will try to sum up all the love and gratitude that I have for you in a single goodbye

but I'm afraid it will come out the same

as it always does-

"Pika... Pika-Pi."

Fat Cats

There is a reason why we refer to mob bosses

as "fat cats"

A sign of affection and respect

How we are willing to love and care for them

regardless of their lack of contribution to society

or our household

They are foot warmers and purr-givers

here to yell in your face at 6 am

and step on your stomach in the middle of the night

here to pee on your carpet 

and shed on ALL your clothes

here to crawl into your lap when you've had a bad day

and to give you tiny meows when it's time for treats

Their furry fat bodies are only so big because 

they are so full of love

anxiety

This poem was written with gnawed fingernails
and shredded cuticles

This was written in isoloation
because why would anyone want to be around me
when I don't even want to be myself?

The first time I used the word anxiety
to describe myself
it tasted foreign in my mouth
like drinking water from the tap for the first time when you're on vacation

This is anxiety
It is having a capybara on my chest and a self doubt monkey attached to my back

This is thoughts flash flooding

This is learning that I have earthquake lungs and battleground hands,
not everyone comes back alive from war
(I am not sure what parts of myself have been lost)

This is the feeling of only being able to speak from the oxygen held in the top of my lungs
only partial breaths
partial sentences
never full, never  complete
lightheadedness comes easily with anxiety

This is tears and hyperventilation
because it feels there is no other option

Not all these feelings are valid;
these fears grip like vampire hands
they do not belong here
cannot see them in the mirror
I look whole to you (?)
Doesn't mean the monster isn't present

This is circling the same negative idea so many times you end up with a downward trajectory
this is basic physics
This is understanding my mother when she says I am spiraling

Spiral do not end until they reach the bottom.

Space Poetry

When we first collided,
I shuddered.

How could one as young and undetermined as this
be privy
to the overwhelming experience
that is
you.

and your grace

the thoughts of gods never concerned me until
you
erased all doubts of them

the first time you kissed me
i finally understood what they meant by
"divine intervention"

Others that call themselves "eternal lovers"
cannot hold a candle to the bonfire you have lit
this molten passion that fills my core


I have always loved you.

Usually from afar-
it has been too many years
since you last let yourself be consumed by me

So let me surround you
in our orbital dance
and we will light up the stars
show them their dissonance

I have loved you
through my toxic beginnings
you knew me through
iron into oxygen

and in return
you loved me
me, seething sulfurous rage
loved me through pangea to divided terra

You became my crystallized
idolized
perfection

I called you beloved
long before they named you Halley's
as if you could ever belong to anyone but me

Some think your retrograde through my solar system
is due to gravitational desires directed at our center star
But
I know
it is just you falling for me
over and over
again and again
every 75 years

I have tilted my axis
so I may better survey the galaxy for signs of you

When my inhabitants began to build and pray
I wished them to make pyramids, cathedrals,
and walls you could notice the next time
we danced
so you can see how I changed for you

They feared you when they first saw you
Cursed you as a harbinger of doom, of plague, of disaster
I do not blame them
true love as consuming as ours
can be frightening

You leave pieces of yourself with me every time we touch
I can only hope as you continue your journey back
that the memory of me
is enough.