On Being A Feminist

I have had to many people ask me

“are you… a feminist?”

as though it is a bad word,
as though sexism isn't alive and well

this is the new f bomb that is unacceptable to mention in mixed company

as though talking the fight for my equality is somehow offensive to you

Yes, I am a feminist.

Because the first time I got cat called, I was twelve

And my mother had to explain it to me

The first time I got catcalled and feared for my safety, I was 16

As a pickup truck followed me down the street

I was only trying to go for a run,

Did not understand that my gender expression painted a target on my back

Don’t know how many times I have been objectified by strangers or groped by random men in a club

I don’t know how many times I have heard “I didn’t think you were smart because you’re so pretty”

I am a feminist because I have a master’s in biology and I look like a goddess and that is not a paradox

I am a feminist because when I attended a scientific conference, I was asked if I was a reporter.
I want to be successful in the STEM fields

But that is harder than it seems when women are paid 0.77 for ever dollar that a man earns

And that’s only because I’m white

If I were Black it would be 0.64 and if I were Hispanic or latina it would just above fifty cents
look at these statistics and tell me sexism isn't still alive and well

Because when I bring this up, I am told to make a sandwich or “#notallmen”

No shit not all men are horrible people who will threaten my safety

But when I am walking to my car at night

I am not going to take the time to figure out the motivations of the large person walking behind me.

I do not hate men, or I would call myself a misandrist

I understand the importance of word selection,

I am a feminist.

I know it is not all men

But it is enough men to make a societal impact

It is enough men to make me cautious

Enough to make me feel like my body didn’t belong to me through their looks, their words, their touching without permission

I am a feminist

Because women are killed for saying no

So I have a vocabulary full of ways to nicely say “maybe not”

I am a feminist because I have seen too many of my friends become victims of rape and sexual assault.

Because when they try to speak out, they are asked what they were wearing or how much did they have to drink or did they know the man?

They never bother to teach the definition of consent

I am a feminist because I am done with feeling like I am unheard, like I have something to prove, like I have to be ladylike but not too girly
and I have to be strong but not bossy
and I have to be pretty but not a stuck up bitch
and I have to be eloquent but not outspoken
and I have to be cute but not vapid
and I have to be driven but not overpowering

I am tired of unrealistic standards and the inequalities that come with it

So next time you have the audacity to ask me if I am a feminist

I want to know

Why aren’t you one?