The sky is not my home.

I not belong
among the mountain tops
that threaten
to break the banks of clouds.

I cannot see
through the thinnest fog
and the secrets
that it shrouds.

I cannot hear in the thin air
the wind howls
to quiet each thought
said aloud.

I cannot speak to the sky
It turns my words to whispers
leaving me with dry lips
and silent vows.

Warmth and light

In the snow,
the delicate rose
longs for the sun;
for the warmth it knows
while the growth of it's stems
is slowly undone.

In the night,
it views the stars
so distant and cold
while feeling lonely
and growing old.

One by one,
the petals fall
to embrace the hardened turf
when the ground warms again
they shall become
a part of this earth.

Fresh emotions

Whatever you do,
Don't disappear on me
Don't fade away
Like the apparition you might be

Your skin on mine
is too good to be real
I can't yet believe
everything I feel

Your lips on my neck
cause sensations so thrilling
you can ask me to be yours;
I'm all too willing.

Curled up next to you
your heartbeat matches mine
I fail to find the words
for a moment so divine.

Truth and Discovery

All the facets come together
like a stained glass window
tiny jagged edges of a smooth picture
easy to see, but difficult to know

Fleeting glimpses of forms yet to be
dance along vision's reach
tantalizing hints of lessons
to learn and to teach

An untamed attitude
natural, wild; free
breaking through the fear
embracing what will be
through the shadows, light falls
upon the true me

Challenges and changes

Even when everything is going right, a balance must be maintained.
For every great day, there is a horrible one.
For every terrible occurence, there is an amazing one.

I feel extremely lucky at the moment; everything is pretty good right now (to say the least)
Yet challenges throw themselves in my path that remind me that even if I am on the right track, I'll get run over if I just sit there.
I can't settle for "good enough" or "better than those around me". It's a lot to expect, but I keep my expectations and my goals high. I always have.
I must achieve the best that I possibly can. Sometimes, it still won't be good enough.
Sometimes, I will exceed others' expectations yet not meet my own.

It's stressful, there's no doubt about that. Many times I find myself repeating "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm doing..." But, I'm getting better at asking for help when I run face first into brick walls.
I'm so sure of what I want to do in the future that I occasionally forget what I'm doing now. This isn't a momentary challenge that I have to get through in order to get to where I want- this is my life as I make it. Every day, every moment, every second is a choice. I choose to be positive. I choose to take even the hardest challenges head on with a strong heart.

I've been told that I have an attitude; that I'm strong headed. Damn straight I am- I won't get pushed around by your bullshit, I know where I'm going. If you get in my way, I'll try to avoid you nicely, but I will get past you. I'm a peaceful person, but I'm steady in what I believe in. Above all else, I believe in myself. I have faith in what I can accomplish. I know I will make a difference.
I already am.

Bittersweet

I look at you
I see the forgotten possibilities
Reflection brings unwanted memories
take them away, please.

You look at me
You see the pain
Brought upon by indecision;
a hand extended in vain.

I look to myself
The scar has healed
The picture has been broken beyond repair
Our fates, nearly sealed.

A bond exists between us, still
The nature of which perplexes me
Yet I walk away while I can
While there is no "we".

Life goals

Among the other epiphanies I stumbled across this summer, I had a rather important one this morning.
Aside from being a closet writer, I love science. (As I've told you before...)
Yet it's not just science, but specifically plants- I love them and always have.
They're this constant force in the dynamic world around us and they fascinate me to no end.

I decided that I want to work in a botanical garden. Sure, everyone around me is continuing research to work at a university. But me, I want to make a difference. I want to be a part of something bigger than a research project stuck in a lab on some university campus.
I want to be outside, watching the plants grow! I want to give them kindness and nurturing and watch them flourish in response.
I may end up in New York, Denver, Missouri, Hawaii, or maybe even Sweden.
Who knows?
I want to work as a greenhouse supervisor, or maybe a post doctoral researcher, or possibly run an entire botanical garden myself. As long as it keeps me with the plants, I'm happy.
I know that it's not my destiny, but my destination.
Now I have to determine the path best suited to lead me there...

Wish me luck!

Water and wanting.

I want it to rain.
I want to feel the drops sting my skin as I walk through the sheets of water.
I want to have my hair lie slick against my scalp.
I want to taste the world in an instant.
I want to run through the puddles like I'm not almost 19.
I want to watch it all just wash away.
I want everyone else to stay inside; I keep the stormiest weather for myself.
I want the colors in this picture of perfection to flow down the streets and into the gutter.
I want to feel human and all too alive.
I want to remember that there are some things I have no control over.
I want to be cleaned by the sky.
I want to feel connected.
I want it all to blur together.
I want to stand outside in the mist until I start shivering.
I want to watch the spotted patterns create themselves on the sidewalk.
I want to hear the satisfying rush of car tires and miniature tsunamis.
I want to feel drenched, full, complete.

I want it to rain.

Writer, Researcher, Dancer

Diversity is the spice of life.
I write, obviously.
If you've read this closely, you know that I also love science. I'm currently involved in a research project involving molecular genetics, but I'm going to a different project in the fall.
Another side of me that I haven't acknowledged in a long time is the dancer within my soul.
I hear music; I move. My feet draw patterns in the floor, they tell stories that words cannot.
The rhythm of the tinkling piano twines with my body to create some fusion that the eyes and mind cannot fully comprehend.

I danced ballet for 10 years, until I was 12.
I gave it up to do volleyball, but I missed the feeling of it in so many ways.
For the first time in a long time, I'm planning on dancing ballet again. Tights, leotard, and pink slippers- the whole thing. Minus the bun, though; my hair is too short for that now.
I miss the stage and the sensation of gliding across the floor... Hopefully I can regain some of the joy I once had and some of the strength, too.

Unfinished

Shadows swirl like mist
silence caresses my mind
telling me, softly
I must wait to find
the one I've missed

I reach for you in the darkness
that swallows my fingertips
I retract from fear
words of love and longing
sleep upon my lips

Whispers of fate
bring me nothing but lies
they sweep away
my silent cries

we can.

We can either take the difficulties that are given to us, or we can look forward and see how they will help us grow.
We can take each day for granted, or we can realize that it is another chance for something amazing to happen.
We can try to keep everything the same, but no two days will ever be the same.
We can look at the glass as half empty, or we can fill the glass to the brim and stop arguing.
We can learn the most by listening to our harshest critics.
We can find happiness in the simple joys of life, or we can be irritated that one detail didn't go as planned.
We can pretend to be responsible adults, or we can dance in the rain.
We can smile, even when the odds are against us.
We can remember that no matter what happens in life- it goes on.

Enemies

Her designer sweatpants fluttered as she half walked, half jogged to keep up with Max.
She blinked her makeupless eyes once, twice, and flipped a piece of hair out of her face.
Max paused to look at her; she told him to keep walking.
A strange buzzing caused Max to pause again, then turn around to continue striding once she answered her phone.
"Hello?"
Max heard the strange murmurs that he was too far away to hear. He trained his eyes on the gravely path ahead, nose in the air, but remained listening to the woman behind him.
A sudden movement in the bushes caught his attention and was attempting to determine the source of the rustling when he tuned back into the conversation.
"No, I will not give my enemies the pleasure of ripping me apart."
Max gave her a puzzled look and tipped his head to inquire as to the change in her tone.
She laughed and motioned for him to keep moving.
"No," she said, "I'm not laughing at you. Max just gave me the most adorable look."
Max gave her a hesitant smile, nearly panting from their long walk.
Her tone of voice had noticeably lifted since Max had smiled at her, and she said a silent thanks for his company and friendship.
The bushes rustled again, causing Max to startle and jump into her legs. Once he saw that a squirrel was the cause of the noise, however, he darted after it.
Golden Retrievers will do that, you know.

Break, Breaking, Broken.

I had the patience
I was always persistent
but you had strength
in your resilience.

Now when you cross my mind
I grit my teeth
wait for the feeling to pass
and remember how to breathe.

There never was a facade
to what we built, you and I
there's nothing left to support
the silence after "goodbye."

Alone & Together

I have yet to learn
how to shine like the stars
on a warm summer night
or how to find fast freedom
like the speeding cars
that almost take flight

I'm not sure
how to bend with the wind
like the tall trees
or how to defy gravity
like the ivy that twines
with persistence and ease.

I don't know
how to tell if you're from above
like a blessing that I call my own
or how to express this feeling
as though I'm in love;
you feel like home.

Will you stand with me?
Feel the starlight on your face
Watch the cars run the race
Let the wind whisper in your mind
Wait for the ivy to unwind
Hear me speak words forever true
hold me tight, know that I love you.

Walking simplicity

I don't know
what it's like.
I'll never know
what it's like
to be you.

I can't walk a mile
in your shoes
if they won't fit
on my feet.

I can't live
a day
in your life
without knowing you
first.

Yet,
How can I know you
When
I only know...

me.

Round and round

Just like the hands
on Big Ben
I'm going around in circles
again and again

I seem to recall
exactly when
this all began;
It was after I set down
My pen.

I continue to wander
enjoying the sights
although somewhat repetitive
I'm entranced by the city lights

Now I spend alone
my days and nights
alone, not lonely
atop such great heights

Feelings like this
are rare to be found
especially when
you keep your feet on the ground.

Unconditional Love

How can we love unconditionally?
With a full-fledged acceptance
Unquestioning of character
Not noticing the subtle threat
Sweeping the door open
For a most crushing blow
Yet trusting in trust
That the threshold will not be crossed.

Lack of conditions,
Of inhibitions, of time.
Of rules and of logic.
Of all other thoughts.

We avoid it, resent it, reject it
We're not prepared for
The rush, the thrill
The strength of emotions
That go beyond overwhelming us
Beyond touch, taste, sight, and sound
Beyond the world we know so well
Beyond the tip of our imagination
And back to ourselves.





Editor's Note: I wrote this a few months ago and just re-discovered it. 
It doesn't have a rhyme scheme (like most of my other work does); it's more of a stream of consciousness.
It's one of my personal favorites, I hope you like it :)

Questions unanswered

Words on a page. What's the point?
The ticking of my keyboard, the scribble of my pencil against a random scrap of paper- trying to convey some kind of meaning.

What am I trying to say? Am I trying to tell you something?
More importantly, what are you getting out of it? Are you trying to read this through my perspective, which only I will truly understand, or are you reading it with your own spin on things? (Here's a hint- you should try for the latter.)
Are you taking what I say and molding it to the world around you; the reality of your life?
Or do you make futile and feeble guesses at what I'm going through that makes me write in the style I do with the content I choose?

Maybe "choose" is too harsh of a word. I believe in free will, don't get me wrong, but there are some things that I put down on paper that I know aren't fully mine. They're not stolen, either, but they're more of a sense of the world that happens to filter through my fingers and onto this page.

Like I said, love- words on a page.

happy (hāp'ē): joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, blissful

I think I’m getting delirious, but I can’t really tell. Just sitting at work, listening to Crash and Burn by Savage Garden (oh hey, I was inspired by music again. Imagine that.)
For some reason, I just had a wave of happiness come over me. I wanted to get up and start dancing- I had this lifting and squeezing sensation around my middle that made me grin as wide as possible.
I pulled out my phone and shot off some upbeat texts to a few friends, hoping to spread my sudden happiness with those around me. It’s not just happiness I feel; I feel hopeful.
I want to stand on these tables and sing into an invisible microphone- but that’d hardly be appropriate (and I’d probably break something, knowing me.) I want to run out on the roof and into the sunlight, dancing in the brightness of the world.

It feels like this moment is permanently engrained in my mind, yet I know that there have been many others just like this, and many others yet to come.
I want to be surrounded by people I love and show them that I love them.

I can’t explain how it feels exactly.
It’s like the time between sleeping and waking when anything is possible; when your conscious and subconscious minds merge and flow together. You know that anything you try will succeed, without reason- you just KNOW.
It’s graduating from high school and looking at all the faces around you and realizing that the present has become the past. You feel as though you’re so young and inconsequential, but it opens so many other doors and time seems endless.
It’s the first day of freshman year- every single memory you’re about to make is set out in front of you, just waiting patiently for you to find them. You look around, knowing that you’re about to spend the next few years of your life here and expecting whatever you choose to, but the reality is always a little differently.

I guess what I’m feeling are possibilities and expectations:
I no longer expect anything of today, of this week, of this year. I feel carried away from concerns that plague every regular person with their daily reminders. Not that I lack expectations, but they no longer matter to me as much as they should- I am able to place them aside.
I feel like I’m in a movie, but here it comes: anything is possible. I could be here now, leave tomorrow, and be halfway across the world in a matter of days. Hell, I could be ALL the way across the world! Nothing is set in stone for my future, just rough sketches that outline my desires of where I want to go. If my future is truly mine, why not spend it doing something I love? With that frame of mind, I can fast forward through my life with a continually happy feeling just a moment away.

Moral of my ponderings: why waste time being upset about the little things when you can be happy and grateful for everything?

Unexpected experiences

The night ended. They fell asleep.
Two strangers' lives now entwined by the hands of fate.
He fails to recall the night's events in the following hours, she's left with questions about herself.

Undie Run 2009!!

Bumpin'

I love music. I could never be a singer or be in a band, but I love how music sounds/feels.
Classical- Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven
Pop/rock- all you wanted by Michelle Branch
Hip hop turned soft- Halo by Beyonce
old rock- carry on my wayward son by Kansas
pop- stickwitu by the Pussycat Dolls
Heavy metal- through fire and flames by Dragonforce

they all have such different feels to them...
I often find myself getting lost among the beats.
that thump through my speakers corresponds with the throb of my heart
sometimes makes it pain, sometimes makes it heal.
makes me think, makes me wonder, makes me want to live
makes me want to dance. want to write.
Makes my thoughts completely incoherent so that all i can do is sit and listen, mesmerized.

Like right now. (Angel- Natasha Bedingfield)

Too much.

There's so much going on. Friendships being created and broken, nights to remember and nights to forget, families that have always been there and families that are new.
Texts, calls, letters, showing up at their door- it doesn't quite get the message across.
I can't convey how this feeling.
It's something that tries to come out every now and then, and I can only find myself at a loss for words.

It's like the first time the wind gets knocked out of you as a kid. That helpless, breathless, scary feeling that reminds you just how alive you are.
It's like seeing your parents after being away from home the first time. How you know you're home even though you're nowhere near your house; the return of that comfort and security.
It's like waking up after you move and forgetting where you are. The instant fear and panic which slowly ebbs away with the realization of your new home.

I can say what it is similar to, but the actual feeling is indescribable. It goes beyond simple letters and words and ideas to something purely human.
It may not even truly be.
But I think it is. I feel that it is. I know it is. (?)

Late nights and poetic realizations

It's simple, really.

Love me for me

Whoever that is

or may turn out to be.

Sensitivity

I'm caught at the crossroads

looking ahead, looking back

roads lead in all different directions

I still can't find what I lack

I'm staring into the night sky

wishing on shootings stars

hoping you can hear my thoughts

admiring the lack of speeding cars

Time is instant, here.

It is frozen, yet still goes on

the ultimate paradox

hold me tight until the dawn.

Strength in Death

There is a place I used to go

that I once called home.

Yet now I return as an outsider,

unnoticed and alone.

If I wanted, I could lie

and say I've grown.

But I can't fade

amongst the colors I've shown.

I do stand strong

against dust and sand the color of bone

I do not dissolve with

the blues and greens of churning sea foam

The setting sun cannot reach me now;

I am immune as the sky turns a warm peachy roan

I have left this earth

With actions I cannot condone.

Tampons and Friendship

So I'm going to talk about something that will undoubtedly make some of you (mostly guys) uncomfortable.  However, I think it's worth it to keep reading and set aside your discomfort for the female world for the moment.

Yes, I'm going to talk about periods. And tampons.

The other day, I woke up and found out that mother nature had given me my monthly gift.  Joy.

I was walking around campus later that day and realized that I had forgotten to bring any "supplies" of any kind with me... Shit.  I wasn't able to get back to my room and I wasn't around any girls I knew to ask them for anything, so I had to improvise.

I ducked into the nearest girls' bathroom and saw the most amazing invention ever: the metallic box that hangs on most bathroom walls with slots for coins and openings for whatever you choose to purchase.  I had never taken much notice to these boxes before, except to note their presence with disdain.

Who could possibly forget to bring a tampon or a pad with them?  And why on earth would you want to buy one from these machines?  

They're made of cold, dirty, rusting metal.  They have the cheapest type of anything you could get- including cardboard tampons.  Girls, you know what I mean.  Guys- let's just say they're not the most pleasant thing in the world to deal with.

But at the moment that I needed something to save me for the next few hours, I was more than happy that I had some quarters on me and that the machine was hanging on that wall.

I had never cared that those things hung there; why should I?

Then again, I had never really needed to use one.

Which got me thinking... isn't that the same thing that we do with our friends?

We see them all the time, but we take them for granted.  

We're incredibly grateful that they're there when we need them...  But maybe we shouldn't ignore them when we don't need them.

If they're left ignored and unused, maybe they'll disappear...

Maybe friends are the tampons of our lives.

and maybe I've weirded out every one of you... but think what you will.

Welcome to Humanity.

I can see everything from here.

The leaves fall so far away from me, but they land so close.

Birds dance in front of me, rather than above me as they've done for so long.

I can see the shadows of the trees, the hurried and pointless rush of people, and the slow change that we never notice.

I brush away the thought of pain, ignoring it for the moment.

Trying to come to terms with the one thing I didn't, couldn't, refused to see.

I make it seem like I know what I'm doing to keep up the facade... for now.

I talk myself through it, feeling as though I've discovered something new.

All I hear is, "Welcome to Humanity."

Gaia.

Such an annoying but true saying:  You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

It happens.  

People come in and out of our lives like moths into the lamplight.  There's almost no effort involved in making new friends or choosing to let old ones go.  I've lost friends to distance, time, and even to other people.  

The hardest way to lose someone is when you're not ready to let them go.  Not like the person you've fallen in love with and been with for the last 3 years wakes up and leaves you... Something beyond that.  Something more.

One of my good friends (who lived just down the hall from me) recently moved out and away.  For good.  She didn't tell anyone she was leaving until the day she left.  It didn't come as a shock, but it was still an emotional event to deal with.  I never got to say goodbye properly, which I think she planned so that she wouldn't end up in tears.

This happened about a week ago, but it just hit me now.  I noticed the unopened pack of Magic cards on my desk that she got me as a birthday present back in October... She never got to teach me how to play.  I can still learn from other friends, but I don't think it's the same.  Now I'm not sure if I want to learn because of her or if I want to keep the cards as they were to remind me that I took time with her for granted.

I now realize how much I miss her.  I wish that I'd visited her more, put more time aside for her, stopped making plans and actually taken her places.  We were supposed to go clubbing, partying, have intellectual conversations over coffee... We were supposed to have more time.

I saw her in my life as someone who ignored the cultural norms, who acted on whims, who made me question many things in my own life, and who could always make me laugh.

I'm so happy that she's happy.  She realized that this place wasn't right for her, but that doesn't make me miss her any less.

I guess some of the harshest reality checks are the ones we don't see coming.

On a night like this...

It's times like these that I want to curl up in someone's arms.

I'd trade my slow, sad love songs and chocolate chip cookies just to not feel like this.

Like certain pieces of me will never fit together unless someone helps solve the puzzle.  Against the hoards of evidence that I'm not, I just can't help feeling alone.  Trapped in my own mind; my own heart.  

The lack of understanding or effort causes my smile to fade and my eyes to glisten when the piano tinkles softly through my speakers.

Don't take this as a sign of weakness or a plea for help.  If you assumed the former, you must not understand the true strength it takes to accept these feelings.  If you assumed the latter, I appreciate your concern or compassion, yet (please don't take this too harshly) it is unneeded.

There are no words to fully describe the dull, empty, longing ache that resonates from somewhere in my chest.  

It is a feeling that you must experience firsthand; you have to feel the pain in order to appreciate the pleasure.

I miss the comfort of my father's hug, the warmth of my mother's smile, and the understanding of my sister.  I don't want to be scared of what's to come, yet I can't avoid it.  I miss my past and I think that I may miss my future.  Am I on the path that I'm supposed to be?  To become the woman that I desire to be?

So simple, yet so hard to illustrate with mere words.  Family, friends, love, longing, tears, trying times, safe and sound, soulmates.  

Interpret this as you will.  

I'm returning to my sweet love songs that I wish would be sung to me, but I continue singing to myself.

Maybe, right now, that's okay....

Lucky.

I'd like to think there's a reason why we do things... 

Especially ones that make us later question "why?" over and over until we lose sight of the moment we felt ourselves get caught up in.

What's so wrong with seizing the moment/the day/the night?  How else are we supposed to feel anything at all unless we realize what we feel at that exact time?

Maybe our conscience (okay, my conscience) or our long-term judgement is there to remind us that the moments can't last forever even when we wish they would.

The moments when the sun shines the brightest, the flowers smell the sweetest, and the people around us feel all too real.

There's only one night like this.  

There's only one right here and now.

So why not fall into what feels all too right?  Fall into me, into a lack of inhibitions.  Where the moon sits still, and there's no one around.  No sound to hear except our hearts pounding in sync, telling us to follow them and trust them.  

Why not?  

I want to be lucky enough to stay here with you... Don't you want to stay with me?

Memories

I love the way light glints off metallic sunglass frames.  That fleeting sparkle, the momentary shine reminds me how quickly life moves.  

Reminds me of how the warm sun feels on my back.

The soft tic-tic-tic of flip flops.

A fresh breeze that smells like salt water and endless possibilities.

How it seems like at that exact time, nothing could go wrong.

(Insert title here)

So if you're reading this, you may be wondering why my blog is named "Ideas of a closet writer".  

No, I'm not lesbian.  Although I have short hair and love to hang out with guys, I'm straight.

My passion is to write.  Yet I also love science.  Weird combination? Maybe.

Yet I've had my writings rejected so many times by people close to me that I no longer show my creations to just anyone.

This blog is my stab at trying to get my ideas/writings/thoughts out into the public eye without including anything too personal of mine.

Basically, I don't advertise the fact that I love to write.  I hide it; keep it tucked away in the closet.

There are times like these that make me go crazy if I don't share whatever epiphanies I may stumble upon... Hence this page.

I hope you enjoy reading the ideas of this closet writer.

Maybe I'll be able to fully emerge from my hiding place soon....

Nothing.

There are times, like now, when I want to write but nothing will come to mind.

Maybe I'll be "inspired by nothing", as one of my english major friends phrased it.

As in nothing will be my inspiration.

Not to be confused with me not having an inspiration.

But the idea of nothing-ness will inspire my thoughts to flow freely from my head.

This may be the end result, or it may just be ramblings of a closet writer.

Who knows.

Deception

I have yet to determine

If a life among liars

is fiction or fact.

Crashing waves bring upon the shore

tales untrue

and long broken pacts.

The smallest spider

ambles by, 

spinning a web of destiny

Setting a trap

for unwitting fools

blind to every mystery.

Blackjack

Advice from my grandfather:

"Don't ever get old.  Just get to 21, and stay there.  Let the calendar keep turning, but you stay at 21."

Is life like a card game?  Just get to a certain number; don't draw too high or you'll bust.  

The house usually wins, unless you have skills or beginner's luck.

Don't play too aggressively or timidly.  

Anticipate what's about to happen.

Get to where you need to be, and stay there.

Late night drives

I love driving around my hometown in the middle of the night.  Or the middle of the morning, depending on how you look at it.

Something about the sleeping peacefulness and the absolute silence is soothing to a racing mind in a racing car.

Dating Playground Etiquette

Inspiration: How to Touch A Girl by Jojo

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First, I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

I think that a guy should have to chase a girl just a little in order to win her heart.  

Girls shouldn't be easy to get.

Women are meant to be treasured.

Guys should be able to be honest and romantic without being ridiculed.

It's not cute or "manly" when you ignore a girl in front of your friends.  Don't even try it.

I will not choose between a boyfriend and my friends.  Don't ask me to.  Chances are, I'll choose my friends and you'll end up single and looking like an idiot.

Don't play other girls.  We're in this together, even if you don't like her.

Even the most awkward guys have feelings.  That said, if you guy approached by one, take it as a compliment, not an insult.  

Everyone has something to offer, even if it's not readily apparent.

Girls shouldn't have to adhere to rules that Cosmopolitan sets down.  

The perfect housewife is a myth.

A real relationship will include honesty, understanding, and love.

Maybe.

They say that everything happens for a reason.

There are times, like now, that I don't want to believe that.

I don't want to think that my friends are fading more and more into my past because they're not supposed to be there for me.

I don't want to know that I'm not supposed to be with anyone even when I think it'll work.  Maybe it's just the wrong person, wrong timing, I need to keep my wits about me for something bigger and better, whatever.

I'm done with this.  Everything happens for a reason... What's the reason?  What's the purpose?

Although maybe if I knew what my life was directing me towards, I wouldn't be able to follow the correct path to get there.

Just by knowing the future, we can change it.  It's almost a sure thing that we WILL change it.

Besides, we won't live in the moment if we know where we end up, right?

I hope so.

Maybe I'm supposed to feel frustrated, hurt, and let down right now so I can see who will pick me back up.

Or I need to pick myself back up.  Maybe this is a test of my strength... Maybe I'll need to know that I can get through this on my own when something even worse happens.

I'm not gonna say this is as bad as it gets.  

I know that "it" can get much worse.

Maybe.

The Starting Point

I figure that a starting point is a good place to... well, start.

Now that I've stated the obvious, I'm curious:  Why are you here?

Maybe you think that I've discovered something about the world that you have yet to find.

Maybe you're just curious as to how I go about stringing my thoughts together.

Or maybe you're here because I wanted you to look.

Now that that's settled, onto other things.

Like... why am I here?

Well, I love to write. It's the easiest way for me to express myself.

I like share my ideas with others to give them more ideas and concepts to think about.

I'm here because I chose to be here.