Home

I've got
rubber duckies and bubbles on my teal PJ pants
that i'm still wearing at 1:30 in the afternoon
with a warm laptop on my legs and a storm raging outside
I'm home.

Maybe I'll walk around in the parking lot outside my back gate
and splash through puddles
sing Banana Pancakes
and remembering how I used to zip around the blacktop on my rollerblades
until I took a corner too fast
and limped back inside with asphalt embedded in my palms, bruises on my hip, and tears in my eyes

it took me two whole weeks before i would take that turn again.
I was always cautious of the danger that it held
but i loved speed too much to stay away from it for too long.

so while I'm here
maybe i'll bake chocolate chip cookies
read an old book in my bed
curl up on the yellow leather couch with my dad
and just listen to the rhythm of the rain.

or maybe i'll reminisce in my old room
talk to my bird
whose cockatiel crest looks like my new hairdo
stare out the window into my backyard
that i remember being so much bigger.

where the rabbit cages still sit
only now, they're empty.
wire mesh memories of my childhood best friends
with soft flickering noses pressed under my chin
round brown eyes that watched me carefully
and those long fuzzy ears that i would intertwine between my fingers

they say that home is where the heart is
but as far as I'm concerned
my heart is still right here, in my chest
but my home will always be
that two story house
with big windows in the front and back
and years worth of stories and secrets whispered into the framework
home will always be just a little too far away to drive home on the weekends
home will always be where I stay for the holidays
but at least I know
that home will always be there.

Tribute to Shihan

I want to be in love.
that I'm gonna hold your hand even when it's hot outside and our palms are sweaty
that look at you longer than anyone else because I can't help it
that wearing one of your t shirts when you're gone because it smells like you
kind of love.

That hearing a terrible love song but I turn it up on the radio
walking around with a glow around me
big stupid smile on my face
kind of love

That thinking this is gonna be forever
but being so lost in the moment
kind of love

That waking up next to you and falling back asleep in your arms
that hearing your heartbeat next to mine
that knowing your soft whispered stories are the best lullabies
kind of love

that never wanting to miss a second
that missing you every moment after you walk away
that walking on clouds because i've got wings in my stomach
kind of love

that I want you to meet my parents because I want you to know my history
kind of love

that I don't really mind if you see my embarassing childhood pictures
kind of love

that "oh, that's her?"
kind of love

that I'm gonna call you home because you're where my heart is
kind of love

that I don't feel scared anymore
kind of love

that finally learning how to trust someone
kind of love.

I want to be in love
but mostly
I just want to be
with you.

Something like that

I want to write something that sounds like an acoustic guitar.
Something that's soft and slow, with a simple rhythm behind it
that's played out onto your ears by my agile fingertips
so that the chords I play resonate with your heartstrings
as I pick out the melody that picks at your mind
asks you to stop and take a moment to think.

I want to write something that feels like a warm laptop on your legs.
A gradual gradient of warmth that's so soothing when it's gloomy outside
Something that reminds me of home; something that's an unexpected nice surprise
something that leaves a space that you notice once it's gone.

I want to write something that looks like a sunrise.
Something that you wait for, that you anticipate
knowing that the end result is just a bright sun that's shaped like a round of applause
but it's the colors that the clouds are streaked with
and the shapes that they take
that make the patience worth it.

I want to write something that sounds like a heavy bass line.
Something that surrounds you and resonates in your chest
something that makes you close your eyes and feel what it's like to be alive
To feel what it's like to be possessed by a beat other than your own heart
Something that makes you want to dance
because there's no other way left to express yourself.

I want to write something that looks a rainbow
you know what happened for it to form
but when it's in front of you, you stare at it for a moment
give it its time to shine
because you're not really sure
when it will disappear
or where it ends.

Little Squishy Chimeras of Awesome

I always feel the need to write whenever I start studying.
Like there's a little switch in my mind that lets me ponder many things at one time, and it only turns on when I try to focus on just one thing.
Say- right now.
I have a final tomorrow (AND IT'S NOT EVEN FINALS WEEK YET WHAT IS THIS)
and I've already figured out that there are at LEAST 5 other things that would be so much more amazingly better than studying right now.
Liiiiiike writing.

But not even writing poetry. No, no. Writing a stream of consciousness that is just me rambling via my keyboard so that I am entertained by my procrastination.
If I could produce something worthwhile to read later (which has also been known to happen), I could very easily make and excuse for me to be doing this right now.
But this is just nonsense. That makes sense. (Haha- I can make puns)

I also can focus because there's been something bothering me for about a week now.
Just popping up in my head at random moments
When I'm driving
When I'm walking around campus to dubstep music and acting really epic
When I'm making a delicious quesadilla

I keep thinking about gummi bears.
Gummi bears? Gummy bears? (WHY IS THE LAST VOWEL INTERCHANGEABLE?!)
First of all, where did they come from?
Who came up with the brilliant idea that it would be a good idea to put some semi edible semi solid goo into a semi bear shape and then color it- ta da! candy!
(I know that I could just wikipedia this- but I much prefer being hypothetical)

but think about it. What's the deal with gummy bears???
They have an extremely strange consistency. They don't taste good when they're warm- trust me, I've tried. Even if you heat them up on purpose, something happens to the flavor that makes it seem like they've been sitting in a mini van in the sun for a few hours. Not just a regular car- a mini van.
and they SUCK when they're cold.
Ice cream? Delicious and full of sugary goodness.
gummy bears? Usually delicious and definitely full of sugary goodness.
Ice cream and gummy bears together? DEATH OF YOUR MOLAR TEETH.
The gummy bears no longer even taste good; they become these evil little technicolor rocks that you have to chew through or let them sit in your mouth for 2.37 minutes (rough estimate) until you can get back to eating your delicious ice cream.
Also, I just used a semicolon properly. I love semicolons so much; I could use them every day.
TWICE IN A ROW. GRAMMAR WIN.

Anyways, the thing that I don't understand the most about gummy bears (gummi bears? IS IT AN I OR A Y?!) is the fact that they have a strange counterpart- the gummy worm.
BUT gummy worms are MULTICOLORED.
Who decided that the worms get to be all cool and have ridges on them and have multiple colors/flavors?! (I'm still not convinced that color is directly correlated with flavor. Experimental results are still under analyzation.)
Why can't gummy bears also be little squishy chimeras of awesome?!
I have also just decided that I am now going to call gummy worms "little squishy chimeras of awesome".

But none of this helps with the fact that I should have been studying... but this has been infinitely more entertaining.

One final thought:
Why must it always be SO DAMN NICE OUTSIDE whenever finals roll around?
It's like mother nature just loves mocking college students
"haha, you usually have free time between classes so you could play outside and frolic in the sunshine but too bad it's been so gloomy recently. Oh, what's that? It's finals week? I'VE GOT A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE!!!!"
Well I'll tell you what you can do with that pocket full of sunshine, mother nature.....
YOU CAN USE IT TO MAKE ALL THE DAMN GUMMY BEARS EXPLODE SO THAT THEY WILL STOP DISTRACTING ME.

thank you.