Too much.

There's so much going on. Friendships being created and broken, nights to remember and nights to forget, families that have always been there and families that are new.
Texts, calls, letters, showing up at their door- it doesn't quite get the message across.
I can't convey how this feeling.
It's something that tries to come out every now and then, and I can only find myself at a loss for words.

It's like the first time the wind gets knocked out of you as a kid. That helpless, breathless, scary feeling that reminds you just how alive you are.
It's like seeing your parents after being away from home the first time. How you know you're home even though you're nowhere near your house; the return of that comfort and security.
It's like waking up after you move and forgetting where you are. The instant fear and panic which slowly ebbs away with the realization of your new home.

I can say what it is similar to, but the actual feeling is indescribable. It goes beyond simple letters and words and ideas to something purely human.
It may not even truly be.
But I think it is. I feel that it is. I know it is. (?)

Late nights and poetic realizations

It's simple, really.

Love me for me

Whoever that is

or may turn out to be.

Sensitivity

I'm caught at the crossroads

looking ahead, looking back

roads lead in all different directions

I still can't find what I lack

I'm staring into the night sky

wishing on shootings stars

hoping you can hear my thoughts

admiring the lack of speeding cars

Time is instant, here.

It is frozen, yet still goes on

the ultimate paradox

hold me tight until the dawn.

Strength in Death

There is a place I used to go

that I once called home.

Yet now I return as an outsider,

unnoticed and alone.

If I wanted, I could lie

and say I've grown.

But I can't fade

amongst the colors I've shown.

I do stand strong

against dust and sand the color of bone

I do not dissolve with

the blues and greens of churning sea foam

The setting sun cannot reach me now;

I am immune as the sky turns a warm peachy roan

I have left this earth

With actions I cannot condone.

Tampons and Friendship

So I'm going to talk about something that will undoubtedly make some of you (mostly guys) uncomfortable.  However, I think it's worth it to keep reading and set aside your discomfort for the female world for the moment.

Yes, I'm going to talk about periods. And tampons.

The other day, I woke up and found out that mother nature had given me my monthly gift.  Joy.

I was walking around campus later that day and realized that I had forgotten to bring any "supplies" of any kind with me... Shit.  I wasn't able to get back to my room and I wasn't around any girls I knew to ask them for anything, so I had to improvise.

I ducked into the nearest girls' bathroom and saw the most amazing invention ever: the metallic box that hangs on most bathroom walls with slots for coins and openings for whatever you choose to purchase.  I had never taken much notice to these boxes before, except to note their presence with disdain.

Who could possibly forget to bring a tampon or a pad with them?  And why on earth would you want to buy one from these machines?  

They're made of cold, dirty, rusting metal.  They have the cheapest type of anything you could get- including cardboard tampons.  Girls, you know what I mean.  Guys- let's just say they're not the most pleasant thing in the world to deal with.

But at the moment that I needed something to save me for the next few hours, I was more than happy that I had some quarters on me and that the machine was hanging on that wall.

I had never cared that those things hung there; why should I?

Then again, I had never really needed to use one.

Which got me thinking... isn't that the same thing that we do with our friends?

We see them all the time, but we take them for granted.  

We're incredibly grateful that they're there when we need them...  But maybe we shouldn't ignore them when we don't need them.

If they're left ignored and unused, maybe they'll disappear...

Maybe friends are the tampons of our lives.

and maybe I've weirded out every one of you... but think what you will.

Welcome to Humanity.

I can see everything from here.

The leaves fall so far away from me, but they land so close.

Birds dance in front of me, rather than above me as they've done for so long.

I can see the shadows of the trees, the hurried and pointless rush of people, and the slow change that we never notice.

I brush away the thought of pain, ignoring it for the moment.

Trying to come to terms with the one thing I didn't, couldn't, refused to see.

I make it seem like I know what I'm doing to keep up the facade... for now.

I talk myself through it, feeling as though I've discovered something new.

All I hear is, "Welcome to Humanity."