Believe

They told me to believe in something
but they never helped me choose what to put my belief into
so i've been measuring it out with teaspoons
letting it pour out slowly in small doses
like liquid faith that clings to your heart the same way that raindrops do to car windows
those droplets that turn the world upside down once they cling to the glass
just for just a split second
before they continue their race down to the pavement

I started finding myself investing optimism in the curiosity of children
they keep me hopeful that we'll stop ignoring what's right in front of us
that we'll always want to ask more questions, we won't be satisfied with the typical answer of "because I said so"
and that sometimes
we'll run through the sprinklers just because it feels good

I've begun looking at sunrises like they're family portraits
because I don't know the full story of any of the faces in the frame
but they're all somehow familiar
I can see parts of myself in them
there are memories in all the generations
all the time compressed into the same space of photo paper
or the same stretch of cloudless sky

but these days, I don't get to watch as many sunrises as I'd like
I've been staying up late counting my blessings
I have to be thorough
and the list gets pretty long sometimes.
It starts with my family
continues with my capability for the nearly impossible
and the simplicity of the world is tucked in there somewhere
but it doesn't end
I just fall asleep, usually around number seventy three

and I start all over the next night
because I'll have fresh blessings
that all taste like my liquid faith
that's still not entirely sure where it should be
I know i should believe in something
but at this point
the only constants in my life are varied
like the letter b in the equation for a line
I let my words be
constant on the lines I place them on

I believe in moments that get frozen in your mind like a piece of sand stuck in an hourglass
I believe in the dictionary because it told me that second chances come after after mistakes are made
I believe in people.
I believe in myself, like all hopeless romantics, I believe in love
but the important thing
is that after twenty one years of life lessons that could have turned me cynical
I still found something to believe in.