Dreams

I'm sorry if I look tired. I haven't been sleeping well recently.

after I check underneath my bed and behind the skeletons in my closet for anything worth fearing
I can't surrender myself
don't want to let my subconscious prey on my innocent mind
there are things lurking in the corners of my skull
spider webs in my sub arachnoid space
that harbor eight legged surprises
I'm not prepared to face

I am not ready
for the nightly battles that always end with sheets slick with sweat
snaked around my neck in the softest cotton noose embrace
the fingernail marks in my palms tell me that i'm holding on too tight
but I can't figure out how to just let go. I have tried.

See, my dreams are not nightmares,
they're stallions with angry hooves and destruction on their minds
they are trench warfare
they are a kamikaze plane in mid dive
they are the aftermath of a suicide bomber
they are a game of russian roulette I know I'll always lose

my dreams are senseless massacres orchestrated by creatures without faces
I still don't know who they are or what they want yet.

my dreams are handcuffs clamped on bleeding wrists
my dreams are switchblades slipped between my ribs like false promises
My dreams are trying to smother me quietly so the neighbors won't hear

My dreams... My dreams...
My dreams have tarantula legs dancing on my skin
my dreams are lead poisoning coursing through my veins,
weighing me down and pressing me into an unforgiving alternate reality
my dreams are molotov cocktails that ignite the fuses of full blown panic attacks

My dreams have politely introduced me to my own personal devil.
He smiles like the Joker with insanity scarred into his cheeks
moves like a heavy hearted tornado dressed in a silent venom
he runs through the streets of my fears with a magnifying glass
he has vocal chords shaped from needles that pierce my inner sanctuary and leave it in pieces so i may never know peace
and when I wake up, he whispers in my ear that I belong
back in the nightmares he so carefully designs for me
his laughter smells like gasoline
with black flames in the space between his fingers
so every night,
My mind's fields are set ablaze and explode for eight hours straight
I was never able with such an abundant light source

you don't know the meaning of no mercy
until your own mind holds you hostage
and the ransom is your sanity

so I'm sorry if I look tired. I haven't been sleeping well recently.