Acceptance.

You can't control the uncontrollable
but that doesn't stop me from trying
or my heart from clenching
or my eyes from crying.

Yet I can't shed the tears
that are stuck in my throat
verbal drops of rain
come out in lines I wrote

on another day
about another time
about the victim's family
of a murderless crime

because death doesn't always stem from murder
although I'm pretty sure part of me just died.
or at least that's how I interpret
these feelings that just won't subside
I wish to be rid of them;
believe me, I've tried
because whoever said it's better to have loved and lost
well, they lied.

Losing who you love
is a pain that is beyond words.
beyond measure
beyond impulses in your nerves

reflexes that tell you to pull your hand away
from something that burns
simply can't respond
to life's emotional turns

So instead we take the lemons of lessons we're given
to make lemonade- and we learn.

But you can't learn how to ease the clenched fist grip
on your vital organs
your heart
your stomach
your lungs
you want to speak out
but only taste numbness on your tongue

it's nearly impossible to function
until you remember to breathe
sobbing, heaving, hysterical gasps
when you're reminded
that this life
never lasts.

It's the loss of potential
the weight of things unsaid
that make me crazy
being locked up in my head.

things you'll never hear again
like "I love you"
because there's nothing else to say
that would ring so true.

But I feel like i'm going mad
because I can't remember
the last time I hugged you
possibly june, and now it's december?

So while you can't hear my voice
I hope that you know
I'm so happy I had you there
to support me and watch me grow
and I send my love with you
wherever you may go.